You know what’s outrageous? The way that Christians are constantly being oppressed in this country! Like for instance how a high school track team in Texas had its win taken away and was disqualified from going to the state championship, all because the winning runner in the 4X100 meter relay, Christian athlete Derrick Hayes, pointed to the sky to thank God for his victory. Shocking! Ridiculous! Political Correctness Gone Mad! What is happening to this country?
Oh, except what really happened was nothing of the sort: Derrick actually made more of a “We’re number one” kind of gesture, and when a referee warned him that excessive celebrations were a rules violation, he got all shirty with the ref. And THAT’S why the disqualification happened; a report by Texas’s University Interscholastic League, the governing body for school sports, found that “At no point during the discussions surrounding the disqualification at the meet was the issue of religious expression raised by any parties.”
Ah, but you see, that’s only what we know now, because a couple days after the track meet, the butthurt runner’s butthurt dad, KC Hayes, found a camera crew from the local FoxNews affiliate and told a possibly somewhat inaccurate and maybe even wholly-made-up story about Derrick thanking God for the victory and being smacked down for his innocent act of faith.
It is one thing for theater producer and all-around asshat Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Of Course) to get all Bill Clintony, as he did on Monday, and insist that “act of terror” is not “terrorism” so argle bargle something something IMPEACH! Seriously, we are not even joking even though we wish we were, that is what he did:
House Oversight Chairman Darrell Issa (R-CA) responded to President Obama’s forceful condemnation of the GOP’s effort to portray his administration’s response to the attacks on the American diplomatic mission in Benghazi, Libya as a cover-up on Monday, suggesting that the president sought to downplay the severity of the incident by describing the killings of four Americans as an “act of terror” rather than a “terrorist attack.”
Issa is the dumb and also a criminal and also, he loves him some conspiracy theories, and also, he is a Republican, so we’ve learned to expect nothing less.
Remember John Edwards? You do, and you are sad about it, yeah? Your own little progressive Icarus who flew too close to the bright hot sun of the National Enquirer and then fell to earth, wings aflame, or hurtled into the sun, or exploded or something. We do not know because we skipped Greek classics in high school to get high instead. Anyway! Remember John Edwards? Remember that one time the National Enquirer got a thing right? And now we have to actually pay attention when they “break” (make up) a big “story” (fanfic fap fantasy) about how Hillz is just a big lesbo:
Insiders say the biggest bombshell Hillary will drop is the flagrant lie she’s been telling for decades about the true nature of her sexuality.
“Bill and Hillary are the consummate politicians, and they realize the LGBT community is a huge voting bloc,” said a family insider.
“They want lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender people behind Hillary in the 2016 campaign. So Hillary’s going to come clean for the votes. She’ll admit that she’s bisexual and has had lesbian relationships.”
WE KNEW IT. Making pretty much the whole Eastern seaboard gay, making inroads into the Midwest to spread the gay, turning Hillary gay…the gays will stop at NOTHING because they are such a huge voting block and will fucking own the next election and all elections forevermore. BOW TO US STRAIGHT PEOPLE BECAUSE WE ARE YOUR NEW GODS.
Greetings, heathen scum! Are you ready for more Bible Science? Get your rubber gloves on, because we’re continuing our dissection of a textbook from Bob Jones University Press, Biology For Christian Schools, by William S. Pinkston. Last week, we learned about the very scientific theory of the “canopy” of water that floated above the atmosphere, just waiting for God to drop it on the Earth so He could kill every living thing that wasn’t on Noah’s Ark. In this week’s installment, it’s time for the Flood itself, which totally happened and was real, as proven by scientific facts in the Book of Genesis.
Hmmm… not sure whether to go with “They have set us up the berm!” or “Ehrmagerd, it’s a berm!” So both.
Again Thomas Friedman Writes Same Column Again
Good news, everyone! Thomas Friedman has decided to write at us again about “hyperconnectivity,” and how it will be wonderful for those of us who can dream big and work hard, isn’t that great? So great!
From the New York Times:
Something really big happened in the world’s wiring in the last decade, but it was obscured by the financial crisis and post-9/11. We went from a connected world to a hyperconnected world. I’m always struck that Facebook, Twitter, 4G, iPhones, iPads, high-speech broadband, ubiquitous wireless and Web-enabled cellphones, the cloud, Big Data, cellphone apps and Skype did not exist or were in their infancy a decade ago when I wrote a book called “The World Is Flat.” All of that came since then, and the combination of these tools of connectivity and creativity has created a global education, commercial, communication and innovation platform on which more people can start stuff, collaborate on stuff, learn stuff, make stuff (and destroy stuff) with more other people than ever before.
Were you are thinking that you have read this EXACT SAME Thomas Friedman once column before? Well you are wrong because you have actually read it several times before: I have an iPad and use Skype! Also, the world is hyperconnected because a robot took someone’s job! Etc! Etc! FOR EVER!
Read more at http://wonkette.com/514787/again-thomas-friedman-writes-same-column-again#4Hlz8okozWVKLves.99
Hero Taxi Passenger Totally Did Not Fracture That Muslim Cabbie’s Jaw, On Tape
Say you are an Iraq War vet, an Army reservist, and you are also Muslim, and you are driving your taxi around Washington, DC. Those things are bad enough. Please do not compound your crimes against America by lying about getting your jaw fractured by a hardworking churchgoing family man who totally did not scream obscenities about Muslims for 12 minutes before punching you in the face, on tape.
[Ed] Dahlberg’s attorney, Demetry Pikrallidas, said Dahlberg did not assault [Mohamed] Salim.
And there you have it! CASE CLOSED.
Oh but there is more? Huh.
Even so, he said, Dahlberg wanted to apologize to anyone offended by his remarks. Dahlberg was profoundly affected by the Sept. 11 attacks, Pikrallidas said, and misunderstood Salim’s response to his questions.
Oh, he just didn’t understand Salim when he asked Salim if he was a Muslim and Salim said yes.
Read more at http://wonkette.com/514769/hero-taxi-passenger-totally-did-not-fracture-that-muslim-cabbies-jaw-on-tape#o3QE3MpviMYhZdfS.99
Texas Pastor Tried To Make Teen Girl Strip, But Probably Just Wanted To Share Bible Lessons
A Texas pastor has been arrested on charges of “attempted sexual performance of a child” after trying to coerce an underaged girl to take off her clothes and show him some “eye candy.” Jeffrey Dale Williams, a senior pastor at the Church of Corinth, was arrested after the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services forwarded complaints to the police, who then obtained two hours of audio recordings of Williams trying to persuade the girl to strip for him at her home. Corinth police Captain Greg Wilkerson also noted that Williams allegedly used a chair to block a door so that the girl, who was begging him to stop, could not leave.
Surprisingly, there have been no reports of random violence against other Christians in the wake of this news, and no outraged calls for closing Christian churches as potential dens of child molestation, because when Christians do terrible things, they are an anomaly to that religion’s message of peace.
Read more at http://wonkette.com/514790/texas-pastor-tried-to-make-teen-girl-strip-but-probably-just-wanted-to-share-bible-lessons#5IwuqJzwihFatqAy.99
Very Lucid NH Legislator Could Just Tell Those Blowed-Off Boston Legs Were Faked By Evil Government
There’s been a bit of a tin-foil lining to the Boston bombing, in that it has allowed us to really sort out who the most insensitive terrible meatsacks are wandering about in the public sphere. We likely would have gone to our graves never knowing the awfulness of New Hampshire state legislator (seriously, New England, what the fuck is WRONG with you these days?) Stella Tremblay, who would like you to know that the gubmint made Boston happen and that dude who got both legs horribly blown offwas not in pain in the picture she saw so check and mate and good day sir, GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY JUST LIKE BENGHAZI:
State Rep. Stella Tremblay (R-Auburn) told a conservative talk show host Tuesday that she knows the federal government was behind the attacks because Jeff Bauman, a bombing victim who helped identify the suspects, was not “screaming in agony” after both his legs were blown off. Tremblay made the comments on The Pete Santilli Show, first reported by miscellanyblue.com, a liberal-leaning website, on Wednesday.
“Then, my first gut reaction seeing the horror of that person that has their legs blown off,” Tremblay said. “You know, the bone sticking out? He was not in shock. I looked and I thought, there’s something. … I don’t know what’s wrong, but it seems surreal to me. I talked to my sister, who’s not into politics at all, and she said, ‘Yes, I saw the same thing.’ He was not in shock. He was not in pain. If I had had those type of injuries, I’d be screaming in agony.”
Damn. Diagnosing pain and shock via photo is a fucking FEAT, y’all. Hell, Bill Frist was a doctor and he needed video to docsplain that Terri Schiavo was totally responsive.
Read more at http://wonkette.com/514825/very-lucid-nh-legislator-could-just-tell-those-blowed-off-boston-legs-were-faked-by-evil-government#Gdizv81w3E1klUoT.99