Posts tagged barack obama
Posts tagged barack obama
Humor often involves the creative juxtaposition of dissimilar things, or so the experts would have us believe. And if you’re doing a comic book, you can often wring some larffs from turning an unlikely figure into a superheroic type person. Hence, you get your Battle Pope or your Squirrel Girl, or your weirdass WTF crossovers like Archie Meets the Punisher or Spider-Man Visits Saturday Night Live. (Yes, it happened. Deal with it.) That hallowed tradition of “special (unauthorized) guest appearance” accounts for the dual-automatic-wielding Barry Obama up there, in the upcoming 4th issue of The Other Dead, a comic whose premise is that humanity is menaced by a plague of zombie animals. From some spoiler images at Bleeding Cool, it looks like Barry will once again trying to invite comparison to Abraham Lincoln, who hunted a vampire or two in his day. In fact, Sen. John Cornyn has already derided the zombie-crtter apocalypse as just another attempt to distract from the failures of Obamacare.
You kind of figured this had to be on the way: Internet wingnuts are now complaining that by honoring the memory of Nelson Mandela, Barack Obama is retroactively insulting other people, conservatives especially. This is only logical. For instance, Dead Breitbart’s Home For Scabies-Afflicted Dingos has a lengthy piece about the horrible, horrible slur that this is to our Best Ally Ever, because the Preznit did not attend the funeral of Baroness Margaret Thatcher. Instead, the official delegation was headed by a couple of nobodies named James A. Baker and George Schultz, which was a slap in the face to the memory of the woman who Kept The Falklands Free. And how do we know this was an epic diss? Why, from the British tabloids that whined about it, of course. And also from the well-known fact that Barack Obama so hates colonialism that he hollowed out that bust of Churchill to use as a urinal.
Media Watchdog Ben Shapiro saw something nasty on the teevee. He did not like it. No sir, he did not like it one bit. He did not like Chris Matthews’ interview with Barack Obama one single itty-bitty bit. As the interview aired, Shapiro tweeted,
A new television show asks the question: how close can platonic male love get without spilling over into sexuality? It’s called #Hardball.
And then he wrote it all up for Breitbart, with the headline “Date Night: Matthews Throws Softballs to Obama” — get it? Balls! Just like the title of the show, only soft! Reading between the lines, we almost think that Shapiro is suggesting that Chris Matthews and Barry Bamz are gay homosexuals who are in Big Gay Love with each other and will make gay sex soon. Or perhaps we’re overthinking it.
Once more unto the comment queue, dear Wonkenologists, and what do we find? Aha! An astute analysis, by one “michaelfrivero,” of the serious lack of critical thinking in our coverage of Everest Wilhelmen, the gentleman from “Christian American Patriots Militia” who said that as far as he’s concerned, he now has authority to shoot Obama and other enemies of Amurka. Michaelfrivero, who runs him a website called “whatreallyhappened.com,” has this all figured out, and can’t believe how naïve we are:
Obama certainly needs to regain the sympathy and support of the American people and nothing would accomplish that more quickly than for Obama to fake an assassination attempt on himself. Which is what this news story seems to suggest. Again, look for what should be there and isn’t. In this case, what is missing is a reason for anyone actually planning a genuine assassination to advertise that fact on Facebook, knowing the NSA’s computers would flag it and bring it to the attention of the SS (Secret Service).
This only makes sense. Or maybe it could be a delusional idiot who isn’t really planning an assassination attempt, but likes to Sound Tough on the Internet, which is what we were kind of getting at. But let’s find out what else, like the curious case of the dog in the night, simply isn’t there!
Obama For America, the campaign organization thingy that is in charge of Prezzy Obezzy’s twitter feed for some unknown reason, has sent out a VERY OFFENSIVE TWEET “honoring” Rosa Parks by making it alllll about the first black president. Why would Rosa Parks have cared fuck-all about a black man becoming president, when she had more important things to do like make sure her bus was on time to get her to her “job” yelling at white people? Way to make the breaking of an important racial barrier all about you, fake Barack Obama twitter!
Twitter is, of course, the place where people go to embarrass themselves in public. That’s just part of the day-to-day background noise. Throw in a national holiday, and you get all sorts of beautiful new opportunities to be an ass. Case in point, this tweet from conservative intellectual powerhouse Dinesh D’Souza, who’s thankful that America will survive Barack Obama even though D’Souza himself markets rhetoric about Obama being the death of America forever.
But, apparently, now the threat that Barack Obama poses to America is not that he’s an obsessive anti-colonialist who wants to ruin America so that America will become more like his beloved Kenya or something. Now, the threat is that Barack Obama is a grown-up version of a scary drug-crazed thug hologram that conservatives have erected over the grave of a dead seventeen-year-old. Haha, it is so amusing, this tweet about a dead boy that D’Souza rather quickly deleted!
Hey, Wonkedorians, what are you up to this Thanksgiving, or Hanukkah, or Thanksgivukkah? Were you hoping that the Secret Service would bust down your door during the turkey carving, or would you prefer they wait until later in the day when you’re drunk on the couch watching football? Then consider declaring that you have the authority to shoot Obama because of argle bargle constitution blatherskite. It’s sure to guarantee you extra visitors on your special day.
“We now have authority to shoot Obama, i.e., to kill him,” [Everest Wilhelmen, leader of the Christian American Patriots Militia] posted on his Facebook page. “His willful violations and alienation of our Constitution, constant disregard for our peaceful protests and corruption of all the three branches of government, (i.e., rogue and illegitimate government), reveal the dictator that he is. Obama and his co-conspirators disrespect our Constitution (constitutional rule of law) and abuse the American people.”
See that video, up there yonder? That is Prezzy B. Barry Bamz talking about immigration reform or something, who even knows, everyone hates him so much now because of “second term I hate you” disease we can barely even stand the sight of him. HOW DARE YOU STILL BE PRESIDENT NOBAMA WE ARE BOOOOORED BOOOOOORED AND ALSO UR A LOOSER. But the twitters started saying a heckler had heckled old Bamzy up there, and we like hecklers, because we have bad manners, so we decided to watch it. Eighteen hundred hours and 42 minutes later, the heckler sewed his scrotum on and heckled our Smooth B from RIGHT UP THERE ON THE DAIS! That is ballsy, heckler! Who even let that heckler up there? Did he sneak his way in by promising he’d pretend to “faint”? Somebody fire the White House Social Secretary! Again!
Have you been wishing for an unholy trinity of Ron Paul’s abolish the Federal Reserve nuttiness and Rick Perry’s zeal to eliminate cabinet-level departments and, best of all, a threat of “civil uprising” against the government? You are in luck, people, because a couple of retired generals — Army Gen. Paul E. Vallely and Air Force Brig. Gen. Charles Jones, who already run a “We Hate Bamz” organization — created something terrifying that they’re calling a “Citizens’ Commission” that purports to exist to give advice to the legislative and executive branches of government but is really just a garden variety demand that Obama resign or else and also, too, taxation is unjust, except, of course, with the added excitement of hoping people will take up arms to accomplish those things.
From the tipline, here is a gentleman doing a bit of 300 cosplay whilst muttering something about the need to impeach Obama. He is “Leonidas, from the past,” and he explains that he did not die, but is old. Not sure the gym shorts are historically accurate. Mostly, we feel sorry for his poor horse. Also, something about the truckers and the veterans marching in DC, so we guess this must date from the October government shutdown. Who made this? How did it end up being posted by someone who accurately labels the guy A Idiot? (False flag!!!!) Does the horse qualify for worker’s comp? All unknown. READ MORE