Posts tagged barack obama
Posts tagged barack obama
Our ten-foot pole has arrived, which means we are finally ready to touch the dual shitstorms of Syria and Iran! The latest news on Syria is that our duly-elected warlord, Field Marshall B. Barry Bamz, has decided to steer a middle course of moar gunz, but not-too-big gunz, for the Free Syrian Army. This decision comes partly in response to recent confirmation that the Assad regime used chemical weapons, including sarin gas, against rebels. That means Assad crossed a “red line” without even buying a home in a white neighborhood, and so we pretty much had to do guns on Syria, because “Superpowers don’t bluff” is a thing that Tony Blinken, some kinda war dude, reportedly said to Obama. No word on whether Winken and Nod concurred, nor whether they were actually just acting out a scene from The West Wing, because how pithy!
The widening scope of the Syrian civil war, in particular Hezbollah’s expanding role in support of Assad’s forces, was reportedly another factor in Obama’s decision, of course, because Americans can get behind killing the Hezzies; they are bad men for real. Not cited as a reason in the reports we’re cribbing, but probably one, is this, reported May 22:
In a letter obtained by The Cable, Gen. Salim Idris, the commander of the rebels’ Supreme Military Council, says that the United States must establish “strategic military balance” between the rebels and Assad as a precondition to any peace talks.
In other words, the rebels will not walk softly until they get bigger sticks. Kind of sucks, but that’s how this shit works, we guess; you don’t bring a knife to negotiate the end of a gun fight.
After losing a lawsuit in federal court, and then an appeal, the Obama administration is dropping its opposition to a judge’s order to allow over the counter sales of “Plan B” emergency contraception without age restrictions. We’re pretty sure that the decision to not fight the case any further will be met with a minimum of freakouts, don’t you think? Let’s see… LifeNews.com has this even-handed assessment: “Obama Admin OKs Morning After Pill for Young Girls, Sexual Predators”
Looks like a good model for covering other topics. “Hybrid Cars Help Sexual Predators Get Better Gas Mileage.”
Hey Wonkstaffel, are you sad and depressed from all the awful news lately about BENGHAZI!!!!1!!! and the IRS and how President Barry spends his evenings in the White House personally reviewing your ISP activity logs and cackling at the number of German scheisse videos you have watched online since 2001? Then let us cheer you up with this tale of the dumbest person to allegedly mail ricin-infested letters to politicians since last month.
Meet Shannon Richardson, 35, aka Shannon Rogers or, Shannon Guess — just like those jeans she likes? — actress, pregnant mom currently incubating child number six as marriage number three winds down into oblivion. Shannon is apparently not taking this latest divorce very well:
A Texas actress in a troubled marriage was arrested and charged Friday in connection with ricin-tainted letters that were mailed last month to President Barack Obama and New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, authorities said…
Her husband denied involvement and claimed his wife wanted to end their marriage and leave him, the affidavit said. He told investigators that his wife was “intentionally misleading” them, the court papers said…
A law enforcement official told CNN that investigators believe Richardson sent the letters herself. She was angry at her husband, the official said.
Richardson’s IMDB page does not list any actual credits, but her résumé posted on the site says she has appeared in The Vampire Diaries as “Student,” Franklin and Bash as “Lawyer,” and The Walking Dead as “Zombie.” She sounds to us not so much like an actress as a professional extra.
We know it’s been a few days since Barack Obama’s boldly redefined / slightly modified / utterly capitulated in the War On Terror, but since Yr. Editrix said that a good “think piece analysis” is allowed to be late, here is a Sunday morningish Wonket thinky piece on Barry’s big drones -n- Gitmo speech at the National Defense University the other day. So is this a nice-time story, an Obama is morally weak story, or a BORE-ing, could we bring back the shouting lady please story? It most certainly is! We just aren’t sure when we should schedule the parade for the end of the War on Terror and Other Abstractions.
Stupidest Man on the Internet Jim Hoft has a guest blogger, Mara Zebest, who is VERY VERY WORRIED about the disturbing anti-American message sent by the official White House Twitter Feed of Occupied Amercia, which she has decided depicts a “fallen Eagle.” Zebest, a self-proclaimed “Adobe Photoshop expert” who wrote Joe Arapaio’s “analysis” of Barack Obama’s birth certificate (forged, you know. She’s an expert!), is JUST ASKING:
Note the fallen Eagle (it is upside down). Is this proof of the administration’s contempt for this nation? They’ll likely claim “There’s No There There”* but was this really an accident?
Islam often makes use of symbolism to flaunt the destruction of non-believers.
Now, Obama does too.
Just what sort of monster would depict the American Bald Eagle upside down, suffering like a waterboarding victim, a turkey in a Sarah Palin Thanksgiving message, or maybe one of those idiots who bought “gravity boots” in the 1980s?
The GOPgasm over BENGHAZI!!!!!!! has officially become The Dumbest Thing That Republicans Pulled Out of Their Collective AssesTM, so we would like to invite everyone who thinks it is worse than Watergate but also thinks Benghazi is in Cuba to kindly fuck ALL the way off. Especially this Dick:
“In my past experience when we got into these situations — especially after 9/11 — we were always there, locked and loaded, ready to go on 9/11,” Cheney told Fox News Channel commentator Sean Hannity in a phone interview.
Um, yeah. That is not how we remember it. We remember how the president was warned that the terrorists were a-comin’, but he was all, like, “Shut up, I’m on summer vacation, leave me alone.”
Well, this is … this is … we don’t even … FUCK!
So, there is a bit of kerfuffle and a hullabaloo about the Department of Justice getting a very narrow slice of two months’ worth of phone records from AP while investigating a leak. For context, Fox News has asked for Alberto Gonzales’s thoughts on the matter, as he is something of an expert, having been promoted to Attorney General after he was White House Counsel when Karl Rove’s chief of staff, Scooter Libby, leaked the name of an undercover CIA agent to Robert Novak, god rest his soul in hell. Gonzales’s thoughts on this are … FUCK!
Former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, who served in the Bush administration, said Tuesday that the Justice Department is “obligated” to investigate leaks of classified information that may pose a threat to national security. Gonzales, however, declined to elaborate further, noting that the facts of the DOJ’s investigation are still emerging.
Gonzales called such probes “fairly unusual,” but said they are necessary if information given to journalists relates to “something that is threatening the national security of our country or the lives of American citizens.
“Let’s say that a publication runs a story identifying the names of CIA agents overseas,” Gonzales told FoxNews.com. “Obviously that’s a violation of law and a serious breach of national security. In that case, the department would feel obligated to do everything it possibly could to uncover the leak.”
We don’t even … we don’t even … FUCK!
It is one thing for theater producer and all-around asshat Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Of Course) to get all Bill Clintony, as he did on Monday, and insist that “act of terror” is not “terrorism” so argle bargle something something IMPEACH! Seriously, we are not even joking even though we wish we were, that is what he did:
House Oversight Chairman Darrell Issa (R-CA) responded to President Obama’s forceful condemnation of the GOP’s effort to portray his administration’s response to the attacks on the American diplomatic mission in Benghazi, Libya as a cover-up on Monday, suggesting that the president sought to downplay the severity of the incident by describing the killings of four Americans as an “act of terror” rather than a “terrorist attack.”
Issa is the dumb and also a criminal and also, he loves him some conspiracy theories, and also, he is a Republican, so we’ve learned to expect nothing less.
Hey, did you know that during the attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Barack Obama just sat on his ass and giggled at the news of Americans dying? It may have been mentioned once or twice. And despite people in the reality-based community consistently saying that a rescue operation was never a realistic option, Fox News continues to claim that the Obama administration either rejected or never considered taking action that could have made everything better.
Most recently, an April 30 story on Fox presented an interview with an anonymous “special operator” who claims to have watched the Benghazi attack unfold, and also says that a special operations team training in Croatia could have arrived in Libya in time to save two of the four Americans killed. Security analyst, retired Marine and awesome name for a superhero’s secret identity Billy Birdzell, writing in Foreign Policy, thinks Fox’s mystery man is more than a little full of shit. In a detailed discussion of the timeline of events, Birdzell explains why the Fox guest’s rescue scenario is pure wishful thinking. Wait, WHUT???
Grifter quitter slob Sarah Palin made her own White House Correspondents Dinner joke, guys! We are going to be optimistic and speculate that she has evolved to a new level of self-awareness. Why else would she be joking about how hard “our asses” are working when everyone knows Sarah Palin doesn’t have a job?
Just kidding. As the most bitter scold in America, Sarah Palin will now remind you, on her Facebook page, that all fucking fun was cancelled the minute she was not elected to Vice President:
Yuk it up media and pols. While America is buried in taxes and a fight for our rights, the permanent political class in DC dresses up and has a prom to make fun of themselves. No need for that, we get the real joke.
(Side note: WOW PROJECTION.)