Posts tagged jesus
Posts tagged jesus
Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ! This morning we would like to appeal to your faith and spirit of service to pass on the chief message of the New Testament: Gotta get that paper, stack that paper, take they paper. Jesus wants you to make a shit-ton of money, friend, and we have received — in our very own email inbox! — the way to do it.
Ignore those who would suggest the nice email plan is a “pyramid scheme” or a “con game for Jesus”; they are trying to lure the sheep from the herd… of money. Click through, to see what glorious Bible-money awaits!
———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Marc Hawthorne
Date: Thu, Apr 25, 2013 at 9:30 AM
Subject: The Wealth Transfer is here!! Florida Pastor & Church break through financially!
To: Marc Hawthorne
I bet you didn’t know “The Wealth Transfer” was something you were supposed to be waiting for, eh friends? But you were. It’s in the Bible, kind of! Eventually, the biblical wealth transfer will go down, and that will mean all the sinners’ money gets given to the righteous folks, just for being super great. It’s true! Even Benny Hinn says so, and he’s never done anything shady ever: “The Word of God explains that we are coming into a time when we will see a glorious transfer of wealth for the preaching of the Gospel,” he writes on his website, “for the financing of the end-time harvest.” Now, doesn’t that sound nice? All the heathens are going to lose all their shit, the righteous gay-haters are going to collect it all, have a sweet harvest, then go to paradise! Seriously though, there are websites all over the place about the “end time transfer of wealth.” Some of it is just talking points for the apocalypse, but others are about how you only get the money if you’re nice to Israel. There is apparently a lot we have been missing out on.
Sundays With Wonkette and the Lord: Jesus loves Henry VIII the best.