Posts tagged mitt romney
Posts tagged mitt romney
What exactly would a Romney presidency have been like? Yes, of course it would have been horrible, we know that. But in what specific WAYS would have it been horrible? See, now we know the answer to this question, because Romney Readiness Project, the Republican candidate’s transition organization (known in certain circles as R2P) has published a 138-page report detailing how it prepared for a potential Romney victory.
“The White House staff is similar to a holding company” read one PowerPoint slide, which would have been presented to President-elect Romney as part of an expansive briefing on the morning after Election Day. It went on to list three main divisions of the metaphorical firm: “Care & Feeding Offices,” like speechwriting, “Policy Offices,” like the National Security Council, and “Packaging & Selling Offices,” like the office of the press secretary. This was the view of the Presidency Romney would have brought with him to Washington, a glimpse of the White House that never was — and plan that never saw the light of day.
Yes, the White House is similar to a holding company, except not exactly, because a “holding company” is a company that owns enough stock in another company to control its board of directors, and White House, on the other hand, is not a “company” at all. Yet.
This week the man behind the video that completely disproved any thesis that Mitt Romney was capable of human emotions other than wrath and hatred went inside of Ed Schultz’s grizzly cave and self-doxxed. The world finally was able to put a name and a face to the man whose videotaping skilz accomplished more than a million filthy Occupy protesters in provoking our glorious and long overdue class war. Thanks Bartender/Comrade Scott Prouty! May you live a long a fruitful life in defiance of Mittens and Michael Wolff!
Sadly for Bartender Scott, despite his previous efforts to avoid publicity and the insane backlash that one might expect from a movement where Ted Nugent is a major figure, he is in the unenviable position of being publicly targeted by our nation’s most thorough countertop inspectors. He’s already received death threats, and his financial situation is a bit precarious seeing as he almost single-handedly pissed off every member of the 1% in allowing “the boy” to assume another four years in office (fuck those guys Scott, they were shitty tippers anyway). In his desperation, however, Scott is considering the worst possible option for someone with “empathy,” “morality,” and a concern about labor rights: he wants to go to law school.
Mitt Romney has a lot of skills you guys. Reading balance sheets! Being unemployed! Avoiding taxes! Running a business! Using an etch-a-sketch! Etc! But probably his BEST and most useful skillset is lying. Shamelessly lying, right in your face, and right in Candy Crowley’s face, and right in the President’s face. Is it therefore a big surprise that his campaign has been teaching poll workers how to lie? No, of course it is not. We expect this kind of crap from Mitt Romney and his campaign from now on because he is a horrible person.
Well, we thought this story from Politico was another of their hilarious Roger Simonesque fan-fics (like the time, unlinkable for now, when he had literally everyone but your Wonket believing Paul Ryan calls Miffed Romney “Stench”). But no! As far as we can tell it is not a joke! Behold, Mitt Romney explaining a fictional football team show!
“We’re a people also with clear eyes. We understand the significance of the events around us. The fact that you’re here today – I mean there are a lot of other things that you could be doing – but you’re interested. You want to see what’s happening and understand who I am and what I might do if I’m president,” he said.
“And I recall a line in a fictional football team show,” he added. “It was called ‘Friday Night Lights,’ you probably didn’t see it. But – you did, alright. She saw it! They had this fictional football team and every time they’d leave the locker room, and they typically were facing long odds, there was a sign up there, it said ‘Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.’ And I’m convinced the people of Iowa have very clear eyes about what’s at stake in this election. And I know you have full hearts. And I’m convinced America can’t lose when you help me become the next president of the United States. Thank you guys – you are the best.”
Oh, did we probably not see it, Miffed Romney? NO, YOU PROBABLY DID NOT SEE IT. Or you would not be trying to lay claim to Tami Taylor helping all her students bortion their babies! And teens doing sex on each other’s nubile bodies! And … oh lawd almighty Taylor Kitsch.
Oh, also you probably did not see it or you would not think they “typically were facing long odds.” THEY WON STATE LIKE ALL THE TIME ALMOST. IDIOT!
Anyway, your horrendous robot speech recalls for us the time John Kerry tried to explain a joke. Let us revisit the horror with each other to hold onto.
(Sit through the ad, then forward to about 3:35.)
Yo Soy Mexicano!
But what about the sexxxy pool parties at the home of the dude who hosted Mitt Romney telling half of America they can suck a dick?
The next major event in the 2012 presidential race will come when Mitt Romney selects a running mate. The effect could be seismic — recall the way Sarah Palin’s emergence briefly boosted John McCain’s 2008 hopes, injecting his listless campaign with a sense of freshness and buzz before raising doubts about his penchant for rolling the dice. Or it could be subtle: While Joe Biden’s foreign policy experience and ability to communicate with blue-collar voters are sometimes touted, few would argue his selection four years ago shook up the race, even if it did dash the final hopes of Hillary Clinton supporters.
Where things stand with Romney’s thinking is anyone’s guess; he has deputized a senior adviser, Beth Myers, to assess the field, and has otherwise been coy about his thinking on the process. A rising generation of Republican stars gives Romney a wide array of personalities to choose from. But there’s one problem: Some of those rising stars may shine a little too bright, threatening to overshadow Romney in the process.
Take Chris Christie, for example. The blunt-talking, big-boned governor of New Jersey is beloved by GOP audiences. After seeing him speak at a regional conservative conference here, attendees were, by and large, blown away. But running mate? Most said they didn’t see him that way.
Read more. [Image: CPAC]
Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels (R), quoted by Yahoo News, on potentially being picked as Mitt Romney’s running mate.
Who wants to be on a losing ticket?
Mitt Romney’s “Half Time In America” ad would probably be something like this, but with more toothy LL Bean/Mormon families laughing politely at Detroit.